something new

so, i don't cook. i'm pretty much the only one of my friends that doesn't know how to and/or doesn't really have an interest in it.  my long list of culinary creations include; pasta, mac n cheese, quesadillas, guacamole, broccoli, and peanut butter and jelly. so domestic, i know.

it was to my surprise this afternoon when i discovered a whole new creation. it isn't entirely healthy, but it also isn't entirely unhealty.  also, it will be easy to make on a budget next semester when i'm back at school and broke once again.

ingredients:
1 slice of toasted bread. (i recommend french or sourdough)
1/2 an avocado
spreadable butter
1 lime wedge
salt and pepper

this piece of toast that can also be turned into a sandwich may sound strange, but it's delicious. (unless you don't like avocado. in which case you're weird.) i don't think i need to write a step by step procedure of how to attain the finished product. who doesn't know how to spread stuff on toast?

no, that isn't a glass of vodka. 

the bitch is back

not blogging for six days was actually harder than you'd think. which probably makes me pathetic. long hair. don't care. i had an amazing time at villanova doing nothing while all my friends had class and drinking every single night. whoever doesn't think that's fun shouldn't associate with me. and of course, there was a fair share of drama. drunken fights, drunken eating, tears, laughs, hook ups, break ups, dance parties, vma's, hurricanes, and nights i don't remember. after all that i was really surprised, as you can imagine, when i wasn't more upset to be leaving this morning. i was bummed that bitchface irene messed up my chances of saying goodbye to most of my friends, but i wasn't entirely bummed to be getting on a plane.  my mind isn't on missing out on the fall semester in amurica anymore. it's now on packing. and getting my senora a housewarming gift. and making spanish flash cards to read on the flight.

new countdown time: 6 days eeeek!


in other news: SLOANE'S PREGGERS. BEYONCE'S PREGGERS. babies in real life. babies in fake life. babies everywhere.

THE TIME HAS COME

i don't have time to write much. i'm leaving for the airport in fifteen minutes and will finally be en route to villanova! i feel like i have been waiting for this moment forever. i think i'm really only this excited because i get to have the same social life i always have, but for the first time i don't have any responsibilities.  no class to go to, no papers to write, really nothing to do but drink and be a social butterfly. if only that could be my major. i guess communications is close enough.

SEE YA L8TER CALI.

taken

i have been dreading watching the movie taken since i decided to study abroad. i have this problem that when i watch scary shit in the media, i get paranoid. hence, my fear of walking from my car to my house late at night. my mom has been telling me since i got home in May that "i can't go to spain until i watch this movie." i guess she thought it would teach me what not to do. after putting it off all summer i decided to watch it last night, with a friend, and all the lights on.  probably not the best thing to two weeks before i leave but better late than never i guess. 

first, it didn't really teach me much.  i did learn not to share a cab with ANYONE. especially not a cute french sounding guy named peter.  but i already knew not to do the other stuff those dumb girls did.  i would have never told a complete stranger that i didn't know where i was staying, that i was staying alone, and then left the door unlocked so that twenty minutes later he can come kidnap me.  at least, i hope i wouldn't have done those things. second, the rest of the movie was slightly unrealistic. and by slightly i mean entirely. i'm sure they accurately portrayed sex trafficking and the exploitation of women. but in terms of her dad that just happened to be on the phone when they were kidnapped, and who just happened to work for the FBI, and who just happened to kick everyones ass who stood in his way, this movie was crap. that just doesn't happen. third, after she's saved by her superhero father, she is miraculously positive and normal. no one seemed to think that she should be upset that her cousin is dead  or that she should partake in extensive amounts of therapy. i wouldn't smile for years if i went through half the shit that girl did. fourth, i realized that if anything in this movie ever did happen to me, i'd be fucked. no one would know where to start looking. or that there were only 96 hours before i was lost forever. no one would find me. and i'd die. 

as expected, i slept like shit last night. tonight i will watch nothing but the oc and sleep like a baby.  

MOMA

i realized today that shouldn't have bitched so much about going to the SFMOMA, also known as, the san francisco museum of modern art. first of all, it has a good abbreviation and i like everything abbreviated. second of all, i had the opportunity to get in touch with my artistic side.  believe it or not, this bitch appreciates the finer things in life. not necessarily classical music or bottled wine, but definitely art.  of course, i ran into my high school literature teacher while i was there and she coincidentally taught my "lit and the arts" class. the fact that i chose to take that class four years ago made me remember that i used to really like art. and then it made me remember that i get to take an art history class in spain. and then i got really excited. anyway, back to my ex-teach. to say that this woman is passionate about anything that has to do with dance, music, or anything art related is a huge understatement. she made me do an interpretive dance for a project once and it represented the downfall of lady macbeth...i wish i was kidding. i also wish i was kidding when i tell you she showed it to all of her other sections.  however, i'm pretty sure her stellar college rec is the only reason i got into a good school. so, i owe her.

maybe it was seeing a blast from the past or maybe it was the incredibly detailed audio tour i was listening to, but something made me find this afternoon to be anything but a waste of time. i even managed to declare my favorite piece of matisse artwork. (try and tell me i don't sound kla$$y when i say that.)

in honor of the recent rekindling of my appreciation for the arts, i have posted a picture of the first piece of artwork i ever purchased.  i bought this in boulder, colorado my senior year from a homeless man. and i fully intend on keeping it forever.

wanna name him?

primp primp primp

of course i am participating in all of the essential back to school activities, even though i'm not really going back to school. (one week of drunken sexcapades hardly counts.) these activities include; using jergens natural glow lotion in addition to laying out whenever possible, getting a haircut, getting hands and toes done, planning outfits in advance, getting eyebrows waxed, and last but not least, trying to be a gym rat. trying would be the key word there. it's the thought that counts. all of these things may seem silly/like a waste of money, but girls, you know you're all guilty, and guys, if we didn't do half of this stuff you'd hate us for being ugly.

usually i enjoy a manicure more than i enjoy a corona, but today was just not my day.  in addition to leaving my phone at the house i babysat at this morning and having to drive all the way back to get it, i also had to deal with international issues regarding debit cards and birth control. all i want is to spend euros and not be pregnant! is that too much to ask? anyway, it was a rough morning and i didn't think my manicure could make it any worse. but of course, it did. let me just say i think it's a little weird when men are in a nail salon.  i don't know why and i'm not tryin to discriminate, it just makes me feel uncomfortable at times. naturally, a man came in while i was there and as soon as his ass hit the massage chair, he started telling his life story. all i could hear was "i've been married for 14 years and last week my wife threw me out of the house and changed all the locks blah blah blah can you believe that?" umm maybe it's because you're fat and getting a pedicure. quit your bitching. as if that wasn't annoying enough to listen to mixed in with the random vietnamese comments, he was making noises while the massage chair was going and sounded like an 8 year old talking into a fan. just another reason his wife came to her senses.

i'm fully aware that i sound like a total bitch, maybe even more than normal, but it's late, the giants lost, and i have to spend all day tomorrow at the museum. it's allowed. on the bright side, my nails look fab.

material girl

i wish money grew on trees so i could buy all of this

messenger back to be euro chic

 this entire outfit and the cool factor to pull it off 

endless supply of underwear

dream watch

any or all pairs of ray-ban aviators 

any or all pairs of lululemon pants 

my gardeners woke me up this early

half of my face is sunburned so i decided i look too freakish to leave the house today.  except to go to starbucks obvi.  so i realized last night while watching episodes of The Franchise that I had already seen at least once before, that i haven't really gone out too much this summer.  unless you count that time i blacked out at Tim Mcgraw or last week when i went to a rave thing and had a couple DFMO's (dance floor make outs.)  i also realized that legitimately more than half the people i grace with my presence while i'm home are already back at school.  thanks to first semester rush camp. vom.com. the combination of these realizations made me think it was a good idea to start packing.  even though i don't leave for spain for another 18 days.  granted, i only got so far before i was having an anxiety attack over the fact that i can only bring one checked bag for FOUR months.  someone needs to change that rule. it's just rude.

the only other things i can do to occupy my time before i leave to tear up syllabus week are eating, tanning, reading, and watching random television shows that probably aren't socially acceptable.  on the up side, my mother has planned a trip to the museum this friday that me and my brother are being forced to go to. and it's the only plans i have for this entire week. because i'm so popular.  cannot wait to tell you all how that goes. i need it to be september.

oh, and RIP russell, even though you're an asshole who abused your wife

lazy sunday

my dad just tried to convince me to go visit my grandma today.  as much as i love her, i had some serious plans made for my sunday.  they include, watching the giants win, watching 1-2 movies, sitting outside and reading/tanning, eating, and watching Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight.  i really don't know if i'm mentally prepared to be social. and with my family nonetheless.  we'll see if i get bored or something and decide to make the five minute trek to grandmothers house. but she is coming over for dinner on wednesday sooo...the odds of me moving are starting to look very slim.

baby giraffe did good today

FRIDAY

finishing up my friday with the dinner of champions.  taco bell of course.  can never get enough of those nachos bell grande.  (i realized i talk about food a lot on this.  probably because it's one of my only true loves in life.  i find it to be a small miracle that i'm not morbidly obese.)

i got my last paycheck of the summer today.  i can't believe i'm not gonna have anything to look forward to at the end of every other week. i managed to save a total of, drumroll please, around 2500 dollars to bring to spain with me.  that's not nearly enough. i'm going into a panic induced coma.  i'm really hoping my family members will be willing to donate to the "give andie money to make memories in europe and buy beer at oktoberfest" fund....a girl can dream.

the most interesting part of today was when i went to the dentist.  and by interesting i mean annoying. this is the time to stop reading if you have a loved one who's a dentist for a living.  you'll probably think i'm being disrespectful or something dumb like that.  after waiting for 20 minutes in the waiting room for my lovely routine cleaning, i was stuck in a chair with a dental assistant who couldn't figure out how to take a goddamn x-ray. it literally took 30 minutes.  that's when i first started thinking dentists don't know what they're talking about.  that thought was reaffirmed when she kept telling me how great my teeth are.  of course, i'll take any compliment i can get, but i never floss, and i drink coffee every day, and i rarely wear my retainers.  pretty sure it's her job to tell me how much i suck, not fall for how well i fake dental care.  as you could have guessed, dentists aren't my favorite. hence why i ate a cupcake as soon as i left the office.

i'm gonna go play beer pong now.

realizations

opinions i've formed lately:

• i think it's ridiculous that the kardashians have a live-in chef. or that anyone has a live-in chef actually.  
• speaking of, the amount of money i spend on food is unhealthy. 
• as is the amount of money i spend on coffee. 
• sharing a car might be the most difficult thing ever. anyone who has had to participate deserves a prize. 
• i really like getting free stuff. #perksofbeingpretty
• my brother shouldn't be allowed to hog the only bathroom with the shower to apply axe body spray.
• life at home is exponentially less slutty than college life. 
• after recently trying to stalk every student on the "participant list" for my abroad program, i decided that if i cannot find you on facebook, you obviously don't have friends and/or are socially awkward. 

boring

absolutely nothing substantial or eventful happened today. i take this as a sign that, as impossible as it sounds, it's time for summer to be done now.  i need to get out of here. or at least get my ass off the couch.

currently missing:

 moments like this...

and this.

can we go back to school now?

woomm woom woomm wom (you try and spell the sounds of dubstep)

let me just start off by saying that i saw so many muploads/tweets of lollapalooza, i feel like i was there. too bad i wasn't, and i'm still jealous of everyone who was. if only i didn't have to save my money for spain.

since we're talking about music, you should know that i don't discriminate when it comes to quality tunes.  i've even learned to tolerate country after living with my roommate (still not sure how that happened.)  but the latest musical genre that has become popular is dubstep. at least, thats what i've noticed lately. i don't know how i feel about it.  i think i liked it better when it was less main stream.  this past week i heard it on So You Think You Can Dance in a solo routine and in a Best Buy commercial.  it was aggressive.  dubstep is enjoyable when you're at a rave or any situation when you're under the influence of drugs/alcohol. not mid-day as a backdrop to sell me electronics.  maybe i'll have to stop listening to it because i'm such a hipster. but until then, press play.

it's time for a cocktail

it's been a long week. actually, i'm being dramatic because i only work three hour days, but whatever. it's finally the weekend and since i only have a few left in sunny california i plan on living it up.  tomorrow i'm gonna go boating which, despite the fact that i have only been up on a wakeboard for .5 seconds, has become one of my favorite summer activities. anything that involves sitting on my butt, getting fresh air, bronzing, and boozing is something i consider to be worth my while. hence why tonight, i am going to indulge in a much needed cocktail. or five. i'm sure there are a few people out there who could use a drink more than i do tonight, but i'm gonna pretend like the world revolves around me. what a change...

speaking of alcohol, i felt like a true betch the other day when i had an epiphany. i realized that i really love cocktail parties. yes, like parties for old, single, middle-aged people. recently, i accompanied my parents to a family friend's birthday party only because i knew it would be equipped with an open bar. oh, and because i knew it would be a good photo opportunity. trynna get my tagged picture count up. anyway, i ended up having a legitimately great time.  not only because i was drinking free patron instead of popov, but honestly, because i enjoy the activities that go down at a cocktail party. they include the following:

• not paying for alcohol. the supply is almost unlimited and the demand is far less than at a frat party. and not to mention of a much higher quality.  
• getting to brag about myself. call me crazy, but i like to occasionally talk about myself. we're all guilty. yes i go to a respectable university, yes i get to spend the next four months in spain, yes i'm in a kickass sorority, and yes i love seeing this 45 year old mom be impressed/jealous of all of the above. 
• compliments. 90% of the people at this party hadn't seen me since i was a braces-ridden, awkward 14 year old. if i wasn't getting compliments on how i looked better now, i probably shouldn't be showing my face in public.

how could anyone argue that a cocktail party isn't a good time with the combination of all those things going on? i don't have time to come up with a witty way to end this because i'm running late and in a towel. bow chica wow wow. 

starbucks future

if you don't know that i go to starbucks once, sometimes twice a day, then you don't know me. stop reading. what are you a stalker? so of course i stopped to get my vanilla iced coffee this morning as per usual and i swear i saw a portal into my future.  not that i'm creepy, but when you go into the same starbucks every morning, you recognize other people that are there as often as you.  there's a family that's in starbucks probably 4 days a week at the same time as me and by creepily people watching them while i wait for my coffee, i have realized that they are what i want my future family to be like.

they are an adorbs young couple. the mom is super fit and stylish and obviously a betch because she gets an iced coffee every day. i'm guessing the dad is rich or his own boss or something because he was eating a starbucks breakfast sammie at 10:15 am on a thursday. they have three super cute kids and they're very well dressed. i'm 90% sure they help the planet by walking to starbucks because sometimes there are razor scooters involved.  the best is they're laid back parents, because they let their kids eat brownies for breakfast if that's what they want. none of that whole foods healthy at age 5 bullshit.

long story short, if i don't achieve this lovely family portrait at my neighborhood starbucks by age 30, i have failed. don't lie, i know at least someone can relate.

i will never be a wedding planner

well it's official, the walk from my parked car to my front porch in the dark is officially the scariest 10 seconds of my daily routine. too many episodes of Lie to Me.

anyway, i have realized recently that going abroad means i need to plan shit. and planning shit is anything but my forte. i haven't even begun to figure out what i am doing in terms of a cell phone, or how i'm gonna get my birth control, or how i'm supposed to use my debit card over there. but i have managed to almost completely plan my birthday weekend in barcelona. snaps for me.  oktoberfest planning, however, has proven to be a far larger pain in my ass. i am used to being the person that follows the plans last minute. someone tells me to be ready in five minutes because we're going out, and by god i'll be ready in four and a half minutes. (at least 90% of the time.) this whole thing where i'm texting four people trying to organize a weekend to travel from spain to germany and work on figuring out how much everyone will owe me after i charge our tent, yes i said tent not hotel, on my credit card, is exhausting. i really hope i don't need to be in charge of booking any more weekends that will provide me with a lifetime of memories. i really hope that i will be sitting back, enjoying the ride on all my other european adventures. sorry if that's lazy. actually i'm not.

this doesn't happen to me when i plan...

perks of being single

i had an awkward moment the other day when i realized all of my friends at home are not single. dating someone. taken. in a relationship. i am the token perpetually single friend. trust me i'm not complaining, i advocate for being single on pretty much a daily basis. however, there are nights when its cold and i wish i could have someone keep me warm by sleeping in my bed and not have to feel like a slut the next morning. (the random guys i meet mid dance floor makeout, just three hours prior to this rhetorical sleepover, never leave me feeling classy.)

in order to remain sane and confident, i have created some affirmations that i repeat to myself while looking in the mirror. jk, i hope you know i'm not that mentally unstable. but i do remind myself of these #perksofbeingsingle every now and again.

• you don't want a boyfriend because he'll cheat on you. you can blame my high school boyfriend for this commitment issue. 
• you don't want a boyfriend because then you have to recall the events from the nights that you don't spend together. its almost as annoying as when your parents ask you what you did last night. 
• you don't want a boyfriend because they will try and control you. any guy that doesn't want you to have other friends with penises needs to grow up and stop be as insecure as a 15 year old girl. 
• you don't want a boyfriend because you might actually develop feelings, and you're afraid of getting hurt. super cliche, but true.  
• you don't want a boyfriend because you're in college. self explanatory. 
• you don't want a boyfriend because you hate public displays of affection. no, i will not kiss you in front of people unless i'm five shots deep. only a clingy boyfriend from bullet point three would get insecure about this. "you don't want people to know we're together huh? what do you think you're better than me?" no, i just think you sound like an idiot. 
• you don't want a boyfriend because after 5 months, you'll get bored and feel like you wasted your time. boy ADD is a disease. 
• you don't want a boyfriend because that means the chase is over. we all know that 80 percent of the time, the catch is no where near as fun as the chase. 

of course, there are pros to being tied down in a relationship, but in my limited experience, i haven't found a guy to make me believe they outweigh the cons. until a boy can put up with me for long periods of time and not annoy the shit out of me, i will be reminding myself of these single lady statements on the reg. 

"the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself."
i learn from the baddest bitches. 

august first

it's already august 1st. almost august 2nd. where the hell has this summer gone?  i feel like i was just taking finals and packing up my quadlyfe, ready to live on the west coast best coast for the summer. but then again if i really think about it, it also feels like i have been working for 8 weeks, spending too many nights in, and realizing how much more exciting life is in my #CTL. however, sunday sparked the most anticipated week of summer.

i'm a big fan of shark week, even though it interrupted my entourage schedule last night. i just can't get enough of crazy people that jump underwater in shark cages just to get a good picture. or of 15 sharks feeding on a dead whale in the middle of ocean. or of sharks that jump out of the water and eat birds. or people loosing limbs during shark attacks. i think you get the point. it actually makes me feel lucky that i can't swim, let alone surf, and chances of me getting attacked by a shark are slim to impossible. i also feel lucky that by the end of the week i feel like i know enough information about sharks to write a damn book. 

sorry if this seems like a scatterbrained post, but i'm distracted by the Real Housewives reunion, helping by credibility as a certified couch potato.  hopefully something more exciting will happen tomorrow. maybe i'll find my husband at summer camp.  

rawr.